Sunday, June 17, 2012
Middle School Graduation
Weird, strange, or terrifying dreams are, unfortunately, not an uncommon occurrence during the overnight hours, however, rarely do these dreams result in deep-rooted reflection. In fact, more often than not, I barely remember the involved plot twists that take place as I toss and turn.
Yet, every so often, a dream will come along that hits at the core of my raw emotions and stays with me, emblazoned in my memory where I am forced to relive the nocturnal tale again and again. A few weeks ago, I experienced such a dream, born, I am sure, out of a desperate desire to hold back time and keep my 14-year old daughter Melissa with me forever.
Thinking of Melissa's infant and toddler years always conjures a sad smile, full of delight at the precious child who remained attached to me 24 hours a day....and of the melancholy notion that those long ago treasured moments only remain alive through memories.
In my dream, my beautiful, 14-year old daughter became an infant again. However, instead of joy at being able to relive her baby years, I experienced a sense of devastation and grief that is quite difficult to explain. In this night-time world were things seemed so real, I came face-to-face with the realization that I would have to raise her all over, and that I would not lay eyes on my wonderful daughter for another 14, incredibly long years.
I would not see Melissa for 14 years.
I woke with a start from the dream, and glanced at the clock, which told me only a few hours had elapsed since my head hit the pillow. My husband Bob snored contented by my side, and all seemed....well, normal. But yet, I had to check, I had to be sure. I tiptoed into Melissa's bedroom, only to find her curled in a comfy ball, under four layers of covers, our cat snoozing happily by her side.
I let out a sigh of relief.
Although I will always miss the early years with my baby, my strange dream reinforced that clocks cannot be rewound...... and nor do I want them to be. For I so treasure the phenomenal person my daughter has become and I want to hold onto who she is now, right now!
Last week marked an amazing milestone for my Melissa! She donned a white gown and joined her classmates in the march to Pomp and Circumstance as they said their goodbyes to the middle school years. After the ceremony, we took photos of Melissa and her friends, laughing, joking, and making memories to catch in a bottle to take out and relive as I pass through each stage of her life.
No longer do I long for days gone by, but rather, I relish each moment of the gift God gave me, my precious, 14-year old daughter. Melissa, I love who you are, who you have become, and who you are destined to be.
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Awww! I constantly grieve in advance for the day my kids are grown. Great post!ReplyDelete
I can understand that feeling. My oldest is just 3 1/2. While I feel the days drag by at times with my 3 littles, I feel like the years are flying by. While I grieve over the year I feel I lost to ppd after my oldest was born, I wouldn't want to relive that time. I am so smitten with the little boy he has become. Each moment is a treasure and each year brings fresh blessings and excitement as our little ones grow!ReplyDelete
Lisa this is just beautiful!! You really got me when you spoke about the fact that in your dream you were feeling the loss of not knowing the person she is today. I think it's so cool that you are not missing her baby years but are celebrating her life today!! Congratulations on Melissa's graduation!!!ReplyDelete
Dreams are funny things - I have one dream that has been a recurring event for several years, and each time I wake from it, it takes me several minutes to realise that it's not actually happening. I think in some way, they do relay our fears for us.ReplyDelete
But no matter how old your daughter is, she will always be yours. And what an accomplishment - to have seen her through Middle School! Congratulations!
Hope you get to spend some special time with her over the summer before she enters the big world of High School:)
Thanks for sharing,
You always move me to tears with your writing. It's because the emotions are so heartfelt and genuine. Congrats on Melissa's moving on. Yes, she is destined for great things, and she's lucky to have you by her side.ReplyDelete
Lisa, I read this post and thought of when my son said goodbye to middle school. It seems like only yesterday but this year he will turn 21! Time flies, I tell you. I don't know if you agree, but it seems the older we get, the faster the days seem to speed by. Congratulations to your girl for reaching this milestone! :)ReplyDelete
Thank you so much Bella - I agree, time is so hard to capture, and it goes so fast!Delete