I walked towards the mailbox, tentative in my approach, a sealed and stamped birthday card in hand. If I dropped the card in the box, I ran the risk of an uncertain response. She might send me a polite, albeit, brief thank you text, or I could be on the receiving end of a nasty diatribe warning me never to contact her again.
But in all likelihood the response would be, quite frankly....nothing. She'd ignore my good wishes altogether.
Our friendship had lasted nearly four years when it came to an abrupt end last summer. Thanks to Facebook, it's now easier than ever to cut emotional ties by simply clicking on the "unfriend" button.
And that's exactly what she did.
Trouble is, I never knew why.
So I moved on.
That is, until I stood at the mailbox, birthday card in hand.
I didn't tell my family or friends of my plans to acknowledge her birthday, not so much because I knew they'd tell me not to send the card.
But because I knew they'd be right.
Yet I wanted to try.
I wanted to send an olive branch of sorts in the hopes that perhaps, just perhaps it would serve as a catalyst for a conversation. Not to rekindle the friendship, but to learn why it had ended.
Two days passed after the card had been placed in the box, and as predicted, I heard nothing. Three days passed, then four, then five. Still nothing.
I felt like a fool.
A fool who needed to confess to my husband Bob in the hopes he would share words of comfort.
And that's exactly what he did.
We were walking hand-in hand, enjoying nature's autumn splendor when I built up the courage to tell him.
He took me in his arms and held me tight. "Lisa," he said, as he looked in my eyes, "you have the biggest heart of anyone I know."
We lingered for a moment, while I took solace in his warm embrace.
Sometimes I need Bob to remind me that having a big heart is not such a bad thing. Yes, it means opening myself to hurt at times, but it also means opening myself to the love of a husband who has stood by my side since we said "I do", to my beautiful daughters Jessica and Melissa, my grandson Miles, my extended family, and to the incredible women in my life who took the reins of friendship decades earlier and will never, ever let go.
I'm not sure if I'll ever get a response to the birthday card, but as I stood in my husband's arms I realized, it no longer mattered.
I have more than enough love to fill my big heart. And that's all I need.
I'm so sorry this happened, Lisa. It's such a hurtful thing. I can't imagine anyone NOT wanting to continue a friendship with you. (Case in point: look at us! More than 20 years and counting!) Bob is right: you do have a big heart. And it's your former friend's loss that she doesn't realize that.ReplyDelete
Thanks Melissa, that makes me feel better! I debated whether or not to post this blog, but writing it somehow made me feel better!Delete
I so relate to this!!!!!! As you know I too had a friendship end with not explanation and it's so painful!!! My husband also served as a great comfort during that time. Sending lots of love! xoReplyDelete
Kathy - the blog you wrote about the end of your friendship gave me the courage to write this post....it was comforting to put it into words. Thanks for your love!Delete
That stinks! Especially not knowing why.ReplyDelete
I know....that's how I feel!Delete
ugh. I lost my best friend of over a decade a couple of years after my divorce. Just BOOM, like that, she quit talking to me. No explanation. It's been a few years and although I don't miss her anymore (she did a nice job of talking smack about me and my kids, so that made it easy to not miss her) I do still get a weird twinge when our paths cross. We have kids the same age, so the paths cross often.ReplyDelete
Having a big heart is a good thing. And I hope you remember that!
I am so sorry that you had such a bad experience with your ex-friend! I can certainly empathize! Thanks so much for your words of kindness and encouragement!Delete