It happens in April, same time each year. I stare in confusion at my closet, searching in vain for the cute sun dresses, tank tops, skirts, capri jeans, and shorts that filled the racks last summer.
Did my clothes get sucked into a some kind of mysterious black hole? Do my clothes now exist within some kind of alien dimension, stuck inside the space-time contiuum?
That's right. Nothing!
Fortunately, there is a remedy to this tragic situation. In stores and shopping malls across the region, brand new summer clothes beckon, promising to get me through until September... if I just take the time to try them on.
Easier said than done.
Trying on clothes can lead to one of two scenarios:
1. Lisa finds a wonderful array of attractive designs that fit perfectly and flatter her figure.
2. Lisa concludes that she should become a part of the hippopotamus exhibit at the local zoo.
Scenario #1 = Happy Lisa
Senario #2 = Well....you get the picture
But wait, finding the perfect fit is only part of the problem. You slip into the dressing room and struggle to zip and button a potential work dress that looked spectacular on the store mannequin. You sneak a peek in the mirror, expecting to be shipped off to the zoo, only to find that, miraculously, it actually fits.
The dress actually fits!
You turns this way and that, examining your figure from all possible angles. Indeed, the front, the back, and the sides all fall into place. You actually look...dare I say....thin.
You examine the front again. What's that beige color poking through the pink and purple flowers?
EGADS! It's your bra! The darn dress that fits perfectly has one major flaw. You can see right through to your undergarments!
"You have to wear a tank top underneath," explains my 20-year old daughter Melissa. "That's the style."
Well perhaps the see-through style is all the rage with the 20-year old set, but for menopausal women like me who are dealing with a steady body temperature roughly equivalent to that of molten hot lava, wearing unnecessary layers underneath something that only Superman should be able to see through is simply not practical.
So now I have to find fashions that not only fit, but are made of a material thick enough to hide what I'm wearing underneath.
With this challenge in mind, I set out this morning for the local mall, determined to avoid joining my hippo friends by day's end. Thanks to my perseverance, I arrived back home several hours later, my wallet considerably lighter, but my mood considerably brighter.
In the closet my new clothes will go where they will safely survive until September, when I search in vain for the cozy sweaters and jeans that filled the racks last winter, and come to the conclusion that I have nothing to wear.
That's right. Nothing!
Fortunately, there is a remedy to this tragic situation....and here we go again.
If you like my stories please tell me in the comments section below.